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[13 Dec 2004|10:03pm]
NEW PERSPECTIVES
NEW BEGINNING
NEW LJ
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++ ADD ME, BITCHES
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to hell with you... [11 Dec 2004|10:50pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i don't wanna play no more. sick and tired of wasting time. i don't know the rules to your stupid game. I don't wanna make it right. i can only take it for so long and then I'm done. I gotta draw the line. I'll tell you one last time. i've gotta take it to the end, with or without you friend. cus there's so much more to life than the things that pass you by. oh yeah. I used up my last grain of salt. i know it's not your fault. but there's no one else to blame, so the cycle starts again. and as things begin to fade you know you're not the same. you can be someone you're not, but it doesn't matter now. you've done it all but now what's left. coming down. being bent. maybe I'm not tolerant, but you don't know the meaning. i thought that this would get me where I want to go but now I don't.

i hope the person this is to is reading this its everything i feel and more and i never want to be associated with you ever again. so you go ahead and FUCKING kill yourself and see what the FUCK i care because when there is no one left to really be a friend to you fuckin dicktwat i just want you to FUCKING remember that i was but you finally drove me off the edge to realize nothing with you is fucking worth it no matter how i hard i have tried because you are full of FUCKING BULLSHIT and will never FUCKING change and i am about to shoot myself how god damn fucked up you came into this world and dont realize how MUCH OF A FUCKING ASSWIPE YOU REALLYY FUCKNINGA ARE. i cant believe i just now realized how tolerant i have been but i am over and done with that bullshit so this is me letting out what can be let out and moving the fuck on.







i am done.

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busy [09 Dec 2004|07:28pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

well guys, ive been super busy lately. its actually good i guess, it helps life go by faster. ive also been spending a lot of time with maida, which is good too cus its been too long. on friday i went fashion with therese, ala, and amani and we chilled. we had fun. we chilled with the guys for a bit and then we all had to part. then that night i drove up to LA with maida.

saturday morning we went to the hotel for christie's baby shower cus i had to help throw it and decorate and blah blah blah games blah blah blah food. i dont like too much of all that, its overwhelming. then we drove back to san diego and stopped by del mar cus i love fidel's hot chocolate. then ann's dad died on wednesday so i had to go to the viewing saturday night. i find it amazing how i can go to a baby shower in the morning and a funeral at night - different cities and all in one day. then sunday went to their house to bake cookies and cook chicken and stuff all day for everyone coming.

then on monday we went to dinner and there justin and i discussed world issues and i definitely liked that conversation cus i now see things from a new perspective. it has also changed my mind about my standards, expectations, who i am and how to deal with it. its scary how many fake girls and guys there are out there nowadays and it definitely makes me sick and ticked off because its all a big lie how people think they have to act a certain way to impress someone. we just all need to be ourselves. everyday im surrounded by peoples fakeness and i just want people to see that it doesnt really matter how you look or how "rich" you are...if you see the most beautiful person walking down the street, smiling and acting like they have the most perfect life...and THEN you go up to them but dont give a shit about you or who the hell you are, would you still see them the same? no. but NO ONE flippin gets that and it pisses me off how blind and egocentric people really are. but lets face it, thats life for you. it shouldnt be like that, but it is. when will it ever change

on tuesday i went out to dinner with maida at DZ akins. and then we had ice cream...and then she helped me with work. and on wednesday she picked me up again and i went to work with her to help out. she works at this joan krock headstart center for preschoolers on 70th...and it was the funniest thing, you had to be there...i had to ask this one little kid if he went poo poo today...i go did you go poo poo today miller? and he goes...ummmm nooo...y tu? i was crackin

today i didnt go to school cus i had some kind of crazy rash...allergic reaction of some sort and my head was spinning and i just could not go. so i stayed home and slept all day. and well here i am...my juice, headphones and all. tomorrow night im going to my moms work to volunteer and then saturday is finally guitar!!! this is me excited but dean is probably pissed at me and jess cus...well, we are dumb and irresponsible. then more xmas shopping for the people i love. and i definitely need a job so im going to look for one then also. on sunday LA to rio's house before she leaves for wherever shes going... and next week is another week of school unfortunately but then its vacation and i have a hell of a lot planned. thinking about spending more time with the family because i havent had an actual conversation with my mom or dad or sister in...like a week. hmmm
i miss katie we need to talk ok call me so we can spend time together also
much love

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[02 Dec 2004|09:09pm]
i've never felt so out of context.
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[28 Nov 2004|02:29pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

and behold, results of boredom
a survey i tookCollapse )

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you were the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to me all rolled up into one [28 Nov 2004|12:09am]
[ mood | distressed ]

well i hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving.
id have to say im most thankful for:

+ my family/my friends (old + new)

+ certain relationships i will always remember

+ great health/bod ;)

+ despite all the very rough times, getting through all of it

i went home with therese and kelly on wednesday and we partied it up. me and therese ate so much junk, its crazy. i loved it. we went to the movies with alyssa and had fun. then got home and it was late so we watched laguna beach till we fell asleep. the next day was thanksgiving and we got all prettied up for some guests and then ate till we gained a million pounds. (yum!) on friday i went shopping with the mother, yeah lots of thanksgiving sales whatever.. then we had a big fight and there was some yelling and some throwing of objects, this and that...it got so bad i had to lock myself in my room for the whole night. i called mauney and i decided to have some fun and get out of this hellhole so i snuck my ass out and crashed a bash in hilltop with him. it blew but i made a few friends, it was nice. juniors rock. =) tonight i had another fight with my parents...bigger though. the yelling was louder and throwing was harder with bigger objects...they make me want to run away and not care about what happens just as long as i never see them again. so then i went to annies and we had fun and it was great. heh. life as we know it. annie is sending my flash picture to everyone that i know and dont...thanks (fucking crackwhore)

lovely picturesCollapse )

2 comments|post comment

wootness. [22 Nov 2004|11:29pm]
[ mood | cold ]


look at my beautiful redone journal, big thanks to meghan. that painting is by kurt halsey (meg's favorite artist, should i add)...i think it's wonderful. its called birch and its about a girl between the guy shes marrying and the guy she left behind. wonderful. i want to find my favorite artist, but that'll take me awhile to find. thanks again meg, i love ya!

so, i know it sounds kinda lame...but when i was watching everwood tonight, i was thinking how that efrem guy is a really good boyfriend to that amy girl. also how i want what she has, but i was laughing (really hard, in my head) looking at the irony of it all. i dont know if its just me - i actually dont care if it is, but i think its really hard these days to find a decent guy. WHY are you single? WHY AM I SINGLE? WHY are you so god damn shallow or picky? ...is what i hear from almost everyone. you people arent getting the point, i just know what i want. and there sure is no problem with that. to find someone you can settle with, just so you wont be "alone" (let me introduce you to a word called independence)...someone who you can turn to when you think theres no one else (have any friends lately?)...whatever the case, that's not what im looking for. maybe it's what you're looking for...but in my case, i will for sure as hell not settle for a guy that i cant stand for more than two seconds, like most other girls would. ive made my mistakes twice before, and i should have learned the first time. but third chances are rare, so im making the most of this and actually using my head. im also sick of waiting for a trustworthy guy to come along so im over it, and im focusing on finding a few more real friends who i can have mutual unconditional trust with. they say you're never gonna find it if you're looking for it. so ill make the most of life right now and just look forward to the day i find someone who actually truly cares about me.

i think all has been said and done.

5 comments|post comment

good girls want bad boys [21 Nov 2004|06:20pm]
friday i wasnt feeling too well so i stayed home and chilled and did nothing and it actually felt nice. relaxed. saturday i went to the movies with sammy taryn brett and michael. and again, saw everyone there.
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don't count on me [12 Nov 2004|10:14pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]


it's one of those days where i don't love life
it's a real bummer
miss moore and i are currently in the same position
and let us tell you
it kills like a motherfucker
and today i've been eating junk endlessly,
watching the replays of all the shows you can think of,
and running out of sense, breath &tears
i can't believe this
i can't believe you
i can't believe me

i hope tomorrow will be better...
i hope i find someone who will save me.

&Please, don't ask.
3 comments|post comment

[08 Nov 2004|10:27pm]
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
i could go on...
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heh [01 Nov 2004|03:58pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

woot ok well last night was halloween yey! but i didnt get to trick or treat. i went to the sum fckin show instead pshyeha way better muahah. yeah i went with eric!!! (heheeee) i went over to his house around 6 and we left for soma and then got there and lola ray and hazen st were playing before so we just chilled out...then hey i see ronni and dad so im like hey!!!! yeah that was cool. so then came time for sum and jeeeez i love all my boys. yeah man me and eric moshed but it kinda sucked this time and everyone was fucking pissy especially the chicks...we were trying to get through and this chick was all WHAT THE FUCK?!?!~?! and pushed us out of her way and then flicked us off what a fucking bitch and then some guys were beating each other up majora and it was like whoa muahah...and this guy was all to me are you really ready for this? and im like wtf man im not a mosh virgin unlike some ppl i know and i can handle it jackass so up yours god damn a lot of ppl were pissing me off that night. oh yeah this one guy elbowed the top of my head so hard i almost got knocked unconcious. so anyway man oh man that was the best. ok coheed this saturday...if im not busy...cant wait for that either.
more frozen moments

^uh the band crap stand?





love

3 comments|post comment

[31 Oct 2004|11:38am]
friday was the football game against mmhs...psh neek didnt go to that one, what a fucking hoe. ;] yeah...but that night was just too much for me to handle. anyway saturday guitar lessons and then i had to get ready for homecoming. so much last minute shopping, i was all over the place and dizzy and just headache majora. then i got ready and went to christiana's hizzouse. it was me and grant, christiana and chris, chelsea and derek, andrea and mark, and allison and michael. derek being stupid went straight to dinner before meeting his date at christianas. so we all went to trophys and had a bombass time coloring on the tables and laughing and what not. we took pictures!! then when we went outside, some girl also having hc drives her car into a fire hydrant and water EVERYWHERE. it was so beautiful haha. took pics of that too. so comes the actual homecoming...hmmm...this is where the drama begins. but im not going to say. but yeah, it was fun. some of the time. CHRISTY! my girly...we have our goals for next time and we are going to fulfill them no matter fucking what cus i am so PO'd at you know who and my god are we going to NOT go through that dumb shit again. i love u!! besides that, hc was funnn. today is halloween...muahahaha...going to see sum 41 with mister eric.
LMFAO.....
excitement
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someone just told me go where your heart is you'll never be lonely [24 Oct 2004|03:28pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

friday annie came over and it was fun. oh yeah she found the chicken book. that night was the saints uni game. i got all school spirity with my purple and gold knee socks and arm warmers and pretty tiara. oh but nooo we had to go and lose. oh well i was too insane to even notice haha. but man good half time show. i went over to the uni side with therese cus alyssa brought us over to see mary and rachel and them. haha this chick bitch was flippin out cus my socks and shit and she elbowed me and was all go back to your own side but its all good cus i fucking shoved that bitch for elbowing my fucking boob and she thankfully got pushed into this one kid and then i flipped her off.its only cus i was pmsing but im a nice person. :) me and christine were talking to greg and tyler then they randomly took our hands and made us feel their boners damn it was funny you just had to be there. then after i had to walk to baskin robins to meet my ride. i met some dudes on the street aldo and memo can you say weirdass names. saturday jess came over in the morning cus i signed us up for this walk lol...yeah cus im stupid like that and didnt realize it was that day. so we went for like 2 hours but had to leave early cus of guitar. excitement. then we went back to my house and then walked to taco bell and i totally got hit on by a pedophile and when we left he followed us in his truck so me and jess jumped down this hill and ran like fuck then muahah i got a job but dont tell my mom. then we canoed back up the river canoe and then went fishing and we were so pooped out we just watched tv the whole rest of the time. then i went to fashion that night with my lovely hey i saw gio! and then mission and fashion and then saw the grudge. im chickenshit when it comes to japanese movies. i was crazy. but anyway, sunday dude i saw papa...then i saw nick!!!!!! omg. chyeah sarena told me he lives in chula im like heh. excitement. today i missed section cus gloria thought she could wear jeans but no we had to go back to her house yada yada long story. tonight i went to sammy's. and hm i guess thats it. 5 days till homecoming. EXCITEMENT

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is it love or is it lust? [18 Oct 2004|10:40pm]
just thought id post this thing, since i have nothing else to amuse you with...
oh yeah and be sure you read my story =)

the LUST list

- physical attraction to someone that you know little to nothing about

- lust is about what

- lust is about getting

- desire for physical affection above all else, with regard for nothing else

- instantaneous...it can be a snap decision or feeling towards someone or something

- an unfulfilled obsession.

- does not promote healthy relationships

- a one-sided relationship, when love is give-and-take, lust is only take

- lustful relationships will never stand the test of time

- lust is insincere — your interests are always whats at stake before anyone or anything elses. the person you are physically attracted to, you may want to have sex with because it feels good, or because you think you will become popular

- lust can be directed at anyone or anything

- lustful feelings are rarely if ever returned

- lust is a temporary high


the LOVE list

- love is about who, not what

- love is sincere

- you cant truly love something that cant love you back.

- love keeps no record of wrongs. it is forgiving

- love is not about one wrong or one good deed. it is not based on performance, it is unconditional. it is always

- love is trusting

- love is a game of give and take

- love is more difficult and time-consuming than lust, but it is rewarded with the most joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment—it can be hard work, but definitely worth it

- your day is complete with just one smile from the person you love

- after a long talk on the phone you get off and smile, and remember every word said and remember the sound of their voice

- you are thankful for even being able to talk to them, or listen to their endless stories

- you know that if they were to leave you, you would be lost without them

- they make you feel like you can do anything you set your heart to

- they make you want to be a better person

- no matter what they look like, you like it

- you have faith in them no matter what happens, they have faith in you no matter what happens

- you feel like they are your best friend

- they make you feel like nothing else in the world matters, except to be with them and if you ever lost them you'd feel like you have nothing to live for anymore

- you think about them more than you think about yourself

- whenever you are apart, even for a little while, you feel as though a piece of you is missing

- if you get into an argument, you need to make a mends before the day is over or else you won't sleep at night

- everything in your life somehow revolves around them

- just a simple smile can run through your mind all day

- you can somehow read their mind whenever they look you in the eye

- whenever they touch you, you feel like you have an angel by your side

- if they put their arm around you, you feel as though nothing could ever get in your way

- youve spent the whole day together but at the end of the day you still dont want to leave each other

- if you tell them your problem, they will always listen

- you could look at them all day and stay amused

- you are happy just to be in the same room as them

- even if you don't stay together, you have faith that you will be one day

- you feel shaky whenever you see them

aww.

a really old story i wroteCollapse )
11 comments|post comment

insane [16 Oct 2004|04:55pm]
[ mood | sore ]

friday: yc concert. reeve oliver the matches and SL opened up for yc. met up with annie, mb, kb and kyle and these peeps from PH. im dead right now. being right by the effin speakers and my ears are still ringing. it hurts so bad. we found bacardi on the floor and poured the remnants on our fingers lmao just like the weed at warped tour. its always lucky us. the circle pits were crazy. ppl were all over my feet and i tried moving but couldnt and the crowd was swaying and i um definately FELL back flippin hard on my ass and spine right into the circle pit and this bigass flippin guy stepped on me and tripped and his genitals were right in my fuckin face and someone else fell on top of him but then jess and someone helped me up. but oh well i was way too insane to notice the bigass bruise on my ass. then this one guy kept stalking me and jessi and put his hands on our asses thinking we didnt notice. loser. that night was so fuckin fun i cant wait to go to another show. jessi and i know all now =)
we lost annie though. its all good though im sure the whore had a blast ;]

saturday: so woke up someone hitting me in the head with what felt like a pillow filled with rocks. i seriously did not want to get up, seroius hangover majora. i hopped in the shower finally and then off to guitar. ronni and i are always late. fashionably, might i add. then after we just chilled and shit. that night i went to haunted trails with katie, christine, rita, victoria, rebecca, sheena, julia, nicole, adriana, jenny, natalie, and some uni people. it was so funny victoria hit one of the ppl and he got super pissed and started cussing and tried kicking her out u know this and that, then she started crying so they would let her go. and then julia wacked this one guy with her purse lol and got blood all over it. too funny. i wish i was scared. haunted hotel next weekend mebe


^darkness of soma


^silhouette of the guy with the kickass fro from the matches lol







stage lights are beautiful.

3 comments|post comment

hello hello [13 Oct 2004|07:01pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

"and when your fears subside, and shadows still remain, oh yeahh i know that you can love me, when there's no one left to blame, so never mind the darkness, we still can find a way, cus nothin lasts forever, even cold november rain.."

hi loves. well, life for me is currently inconstant. so if you're expecting a pure happy/cheerful/life-is-going-grrrreat entry, prepare to be unsatisfied. my main concern is my family being unstable. and im scared for everyone. and everything is changing so fast, right before my eyes its almost unbelieveable. so that's that. now that i have gotten that out of the way, moving on to us kicking henry's ass...oh thats right jamba juice man. uh so im not about to type out my whole day, only cus i know i hate it when people tell me every single detail of their daily life. and cus im too lazy to type everything...not that it was "fun" or long or anything. which me reminds me, im probably going to make it as a bum. see guys, this is me procrastinating on a shitload of homework i had all day to do...and when you procrastinate as much as i do, you can possibly get kicked out of a school like the one i go to...leading up to meagerness and poverty and lack of pivotal knowledge. but anyway, im excited for my weekend. hullabaloo shindiging =) friday and saturday night are going to consist of insaneness and circle pits and moshing and highness and i could go on...all coming up soon! 2 days, infact. i hadnt had a break from school since...well, since 3 days ago, but that's besides the point. well its been fun, now off i go to the wonderful world of chocolate covered pretzels and ice cream and smallville. oh the excitement.
leave me comments cus we share this mutual love ;]
wellingCollapse )

5 comments|post comment

[12 Oct 2004|03:50pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

im so flippin mad!!!!!! GOSH. i want to go to see jimmy buffett but life has to be gay and i have to be broke and no know knows him!!!!! NO ONE KNOWS JIMMY EFFIN BUFFETTTTTT......lolllll. AHHH im sooo mad =(

poemCollapse )

3 comments|post comment

stupendous [10 Oct 2004|09:42pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

today i went to fashion valley with christine. and we had a lot of fun. and we found our gorgeous homecoming shoes. and were lovin the lip venom...wooo ouch. hahah! but were hatin all the people with pretty eyes lol. we also feel really bad for making the lady feel bad. but we came back and made her feel better. haha yeeah man fun day with that girl i love u christine!!

soul art ;)Collapse )

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duuuuudeee!!!! [08 Oct 2004|11:17pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

man oh man i just had to show you this for all of you who know what im talkin about...when you look at this picture first glance, who do you think of?!?!


sarah and "greg" (pshyeah flippin right!)...oh how i love them.

im going nuts.

11 comments|post comment

shit [06 Oct 2004|07:11pm]
[ mood | sick ]

yesterday i had dance lessons. and that was just like flippin insane, there were limbs everywhere. me and esther were total pro though it was funny. but then the guys messed everything up. oh i finally got a homecoming date that doesnt bug the crap out of me thank you. today wasnt good, i was sick and everyone was hackin on me and i just wanted to rip everyones heads off and slice their tongues off so they cant talk..but its all cool now. so thursday im going to the uni/coronado frosh game cus joey is playing.. but i dont know what side i am going to cheer on. then friday im going to the game at 3.. no clue why its at 3 but whatever. lame. saturday im looking for my homecoming dressss. most likely at fashion. then might go to frightmare with kristine and peeps that night and sunday me and kristine are kickin it!! no school monday, hit me up so we can chill ;) omg neek i so forgot we were gonna do something call meeeeeeee im just so excited about next friday im gonna go nuts. this our month jessi key THIS IS OUR MONTH!!!!!!!! =]]]]]]]]]]]]]

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